Monday, 5 November 2012

Sex & Spice - flash essay by Cian Shevlin

Sex and spice and all things nice

-  keeping pleasure in a relationship
By Cian Shevlin
When people say "relationships" in college, it's hard to imagine anything other than sweaty shifting in nightclubs or flings that last little more than a month or so. But what happens when these flings grow? Suddenly, there's no more casual encounters in nasty bedrooms; these are instead replaced by "staying in and watching a movie". Great, by all accounts. What can be better than having somebody who is always there and who always cares?

In theory; nothing. Nothing that is, until you're in the bar, you've had a few vodkas and you see that 6' 4'' guy with gorgeous arms staring you down from across the way. You know that look in his eye - he would destroy you back at his place. You wouldn't be able to walk right for a few days. But no you say, my lovely boyfriend is at home with a cold, waiting for me to arrive back a little tipsy but still capable of nursing him. But, is that pleasurable? 

A little while later, the boyfriend is sitting at home; wondering that maybe if he had just bought the Fifty Shades of Grey series and that €5 lube from Tesco, he'd still have his woman. Of course, stagnation of a relationship makes both parties guilty; there are steps that both sexes can take to keep the pleasure in any long term relationship. So let's get the elephant out of the room first - sex. Over time, any sexual act with somebody you love can become boring. 

Sometimes - no matter how much you love them - lying there as they grunt and make funny faces over you just doesn't seem like fun. There are a few ways to fix this; from the "nice" (lighting candles and giving a warm oil massage) to the downright "naughty" (handcuffs, and bringing in a third party). Still not pleasurable? Then just ask. If you're in a committed relationship, your partner should be open about what turns him/ her on. If they aren't, then these problems run much deeper. This causes another problem; what if what turns them on is a big turn off for you? Luckily, I have never been with a woman who's tastes were too extreme - although even I would be alarmed if she took out the cucumbers and latex gloves. But hey, it's give and take.

I've very much focused on the sexual sides of pleasure in a relationship here, but the above advice spreads to all areas of love and relationships; what can't be solved with buttplugs can instead be solved by talking.


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