The magic soup tin vomit tip advice posted up in September comes from the recently launched ‘Get Drunk
Sensibly’ campaign.
Alcohol Industry spokesperson Deirdre O’Tipple recently met the Risky Crew for a chat and a pint. She described the ‘Get Drunk Sensibly’campaign as a runaway success. Recent statistics show that since the campaign began the number of young men wearing clown outfits in pubs has fallen by 400 per cent. Meanwhile the number of women balancing upside down on their heads whilst drinking white wine spritzers has tumbled by an astonishing 9,000 per cent! ‘You can’t get more sensible than that,’ declared Ms O’Tipple.
Ms Tipple’s mood darkened, however, when she was asked that vexatious question: what is a sensible amount of alcohol to consume. Gone was her bubbly air of joie de vivre. Her eyes darkened, her brow furrowed as her fingers tapped the stats on the table before her.
‘Ah well now’ she finally said, ‘ask someone who has just drank two pints and he’ll tell yi two pints is a sensible amount. Ask someone whose just drank fifteen, crashed his car, shat his pants and then tried to have sex with his neighbour’s geranium bush and he’ll tell you fifteen pints. Who are we to judge what is right, what is wrong? As Plato himself said, we here live in a poor, corrupt and painfully inadequate shadow of the Realm of the Perfect Forms where all is wonderful and beautiful and no matter how much you drink it is always just the perfect amount to make you all glittery and witty and full of repartee. Whilst all we poor mortal creatures can hope to attain is the briefest glimpse of such sublime and transcendent oneness.’
At which point Ms O’Tipple grabbed my arm, burst into tears and ordered an Absinthe Guiness Slammer…
For the more curious amongst us, there is in fact a lovely, simple way of finding out all you need to know about alcohol consumption. The e-pub is an app that takes perhaps ten or fifteen minutes to navigate – which is considerably less time than it takes to be served a pint on a Friday night. It is packed with useful and occasionally eyebrow raising information that will amaze friends and make you look really cool and informative. Write a few of the info bites down, stick them in the same pocket as your magic soup tin, then go out and have a really fun time.
Alcohol Industry spokesperson Deirdre O’Tipple recently met the Risky Crew for a chat and a pint. She described the ‘Get Drunk Sensibly’campaign as a runaway success. Recent statistics show that since the campaign began the number of young men wearing clown outfits in pubs has fallen by 400 per cent. Meanwhile the number of women balancing upside down on their heads whilst drinking white wine spritzers has tumbled by an astonishing 9,000 per cent! ‘You can’t get more sensible than that,’ declared Ms O’Tipple.
Ms Tipple’s mood darkened, however, when she was asked that vexatious question: what is a sensible amount of alcohol to consume. Gone was her bubbly air of joie de vivre. Her eyes darkened, her brow furrowed as her fingers tapped the stats on the table before her.
‘Ah well now’ she finally said, ‘ask someone who has just drank two pints and he’ll tell yi two pints is a sensible amount. Ask someone whose just drank fifteen, crashed his car, shat his pants and then tried to have sex with his neighbour’s geranium bush and he’ll tell you fifteen pints. Who are we to judge what is right, what is wrong? As Plato himself said, we here live in a poor, corrupt and painfully inadequate shadow of the Realm of the Perfect Forms where all is wonderful and beautiful and no matter how much you drink it is always just the perfect amount to make you all glittery and witty and full of repartee. Whilst all we poor mortal creatures can hope to attain is the briefest glimpse of such sublime and transcendent oneness.’
At which point Ms O’Tipple grabbed my arm, burst into tears and ordered an Absinthe Guiness Slammer…
For the more curious amongst us, there is in fact a lovely, simple way of finding out all you need to know about alcohol consumption. The e-pub is an app that takes perhaps ten or fifteen minutes to navigate – which is considerably less time than it takes to be served a pint on a Friday night. It is packed with useful and occasionally eyebrow raising information that will amaze friends and make you look really cool and informative. Write a few of the info bites down, stick them in the same pocket as your magic soup tin, then go out and have a really fun time.
Curiously enough there is a chat on this eving called 'The Pioneer Movement: Losing or Finding Freedom?' where Fr Charles Davey S.J., Chairman of the Pioneer Total Abstinence Association, will explain the origins and spirituality of the movement and shares his story of becoming a pioneer. Followed by supper.
ReplyDeleteMonday 1 October at 7pm in the Common Room of the College Chapel